Neither Here Nor There

The irony isn't lost during my latest grocery shopping trip. I wonder what goes on in the minds of the curious eyes that scan my basket wondering why I can't just pick a side and stick with it. This is the dichotomy that subsists in my life, am I married living freely childless or am I married with one on the way? I'm neither here nor there, yet somewhere in between and sometimes it's painfully annoying when making future decisions about which side I'm on. 

It's particularly fitting that I sit here typing this post with a glass of wine in hand.....every glass of wine I have I wonder if it will be my last? Do I drink the wine now while I still can or take the chance that I may be able to still drink in a few weeks? Do I buy the expensive jeans now that fit amazingly on my wide hips, but may not fit in 2 months and therefore are a waste of money? Where do we go on our next vacation--the cruise that could sway my morning sickness into full regret or the safe bet trip to visit family with hopes of sharing some prospective baby news with them in person? Do I sign up to run that 10 mile race and save $15 on the entry fee, but risk not being able to run it (PS-I did) or wait until race day and pay regrettably way more than any race should ever cost? (And my favorite.....) How much money should I take out for my Health Savings Account to get my through 2012--do I take out enough to cover the costs of the cost of delivering at the hospital or should I be more conservative in case I don't need that much in 2012 in case I don't deliver this year? Endless.....decisions. They are trivial anecdotes to my life, yet they manage to penetrate my very existence on a day to day basis. The decisions I make are pondered with the underlying notion that I could be pregnant and or with baby in the near future. It's always there and always on my mind.

I'm neither here nor there, but constantly running between the two ends of the spectrum. Tampons or pregnancy tests? Which is it? I hope I no longer have to buy both in a few weeks....Cheers!