I'm 20 weeks along and I'm half-way there (give or take a week)! Sometimes I pause to think about this accomplishment and am so incredibly grateful that I am lucky enough to be able to have this experience. Getting pregnant and staying pregnant was challenging for us and it's incredible to finally experience how "easy" this process really is once you get past those initial hurdles because I always felt it was next to impossible. People have babies everyday, yet I approach our pregnancy as though it's unique and personal.
Last week was a big week for us. I had my 19-week prenatal visit in which we heard heart tones again. It had been nearly 4 weeks since the last time we heard heart tones and was the last time I had had any "evidence" that there was indeed a baby alive and growing in there. I had no reason to think otherwise, but seeing (hearing) is believing. Even bigger though was a few days later we had our 20-week anatomy scan. This is the "big" ultrasound--the only routine "medically necessary" ultrasound. The tech looks at everything to assess adequate growth and development. In a way, the results somewhat solidifies the future (although delivering a healthy full term baby is never guaranteed no matter how far along you are).
The first thing the tech asked us is if we wanted to find out the sex. Jon and I pondered this for a long time. In fact, up until 14 weeks along I thought we "had" to find out because we were having a tough time agreeing on boy names and would like to at least narrow our choices down 50%. But then I started hearing stories from those that waited until delivery to find out the sex and how fun it was to have that eager anticipation awaiting you as you delivered. Of course, isn't having a baby surprise enough? Is the level of surprise of finding out the sex at the anatomy scan equivalent to find out at the delivery? It's a personal decision and experience, and there is probably no way of knowing until after the fact. Thus, there is no right or wrong answer. We finally settled on waiting to be surprised at the delivery because it means that Jon will be the first one to find out and he can shout "It's a boy!" or "It's a girl!" to me in the delivery room--it'll be his most important role and he is granted the privilege of being the first to know.
The tech agreed to write the sex down on a piece of paper and place it in an envelope so that we could bring it home with us in case Jon changes his mind sometime between now and the delivery. The anatomy scan was fun to watch because the baby was moving like crazy (I had just drank 16 ounces of ice cold water which makes babies go wild in utero). As I have mentioned before, I have an anterior placenta which means the placenta is in front and serves as a sort of punching bag for the baby thus most with an anterior placenta don't start feeling movement until after 20 weeks. Around the 18 weeks I began to feel what felt like a flutter or twitch in my lower abdomen. I dismissed them as my stomach twitching because I thought it was too soon. In the days preceding the ultrasound, I found that when I would inhale quickly and sharply I felt this slight tap in an area just above my belly button. I quickly dismissed this as stomach twitches because baby wasn't big enough to kick near my belly button yet. You can imagine my surprise when the tech pointed out how the baby was lying in my stomach and then indicated that the baby's feet were in the exact spot where I was feeling the taps! Was I feeling kicks after all?
The exam lasted nearly an hour and was followed with a lot of, "ok, that's normal" and "that looks good and measuring right on schedule". Everything seemed to be progressing well, but I know those techs aren't supposed to interpret results and thus it was up to the Radiologist or midwife to let me know if it was all OK. At the end of the exam she asked, "will you be seeing your doctor soon?" and suddenly my heart sank. It was the dreaded question that the ultrasound tech asked me when I learned that I had miscarried (when I told her I wasn't that is when she told me that she was not seeing a heartbeat). I was not planning on seeing my midwife for another 4 weeks and she said, "OK, well someone will be calling you with the results in 1-2 days". I knew deep down that what she really meant was that the Radiologist had to read the results and make interpretations and that she was not allowed to tell me that everything was OK. However, these seemingly minor questions still rattle me as I associate them with bad experiences. Thankfully I was able to convince myself that these were irrational fears and left the appointment feeling confident and relieved. Sure enough, a few days later I found out that "everything was normal"!
Since the scan, I have started to feel the flutters a bit more frequently and a little bit more intense than in the weeks prior. I indulged in a little bit of sugar yesterday at my friend's baby shower including sugared punch and ice cream, and I could feel the "flutters" more often. It has to be baby-right?? I'll know soon enough.
Now that I've passed this milestone I've decided that it's time for us to start thinking about the nursery, furniture, and names. We still have 4.5 months to go and personally, I feel completely disconnected from the month of December when it's stinking hot, humid and I'm wearing shorts in mid-July. We still have the changing seasons, back to school, fall colors, and my birthday to get through before this baby is due to arrive. I don't want to rush too much into the planning too soon because that's like planning out your itinerary for a trip to Hawaii that's not happening for 4.5 months--exciting to think about, frustrating because it's still so far away.
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