Nesting.

I'm 25 weeks and it's the end of August (wow, did summer really fly by that fast?). Even though I was fully aware of my upcoming weekend schedule for the next 2 months I have suddenly transformed into full "nesting" mode. There is some scientific evidence to indicate that "nesting" is real and triggered by an onset of hormonal/biochemical changes that cause a surge of energy. The act of nesting sits on a spectrum with some women claiming they don't experience it at all whiles others can probably be described as "babyzillas". Women suddenly become aware of the environment in which the baby will live in and want their baby to be comfortable and nurtured. Most will start getting the nursery ready while others will examine other areas of their house and realize that they better get those home projects done that they've always been meaning to do, but never have. Or they feel the need to have the house be "clean" in order to keep the baby safe. Pregnancy book after pregnancy book suggests that you begin preparing for the baby in the 2nd trimester because that is when you usually feel the best and have the most energy.

I don't know if I can pinpoint my urge to nest on some hormonal shift though as I think a myriad of factors contributed to my motivation to suddenly get ready for this baby. For starters, up until now, I thought it was way too early to get ready for the baby. And I don't mean that in a cynical way, I just wonder why I would get the house ready for a baby that's not going to arrive for another 4-5 months? I'm in shorts sweating in the heat and we're talking about a baby arriving just in time for the cold frigid winter--I have plenty of time!

Secondly, I am thisclose to viability (woot!). Viability can technically be defined as around 22 weeks, but "survivability" is so low most doctors won't resusitate babies that early (though I believe the earliest known surviving baby was 21.5 weeks along. Most hospitals with a sophisticated NICU deem "viability" closer to 24 weeks in which the baby has about a 50% chance of survival (this doesn't consider the long-term disabilities consequential to being born this early). Most will consider "good odds" viability to be 26 weeks. No one wishes for their baby to born this early because babies risk a long, costly and terrifying stay in the NICU with unknown long-term health outcomes. Nevertheless, we all sigh with relief when approaching viability because at least we know that should something happen that the baby will probably live. There's a drastic difference between survivability between 24-26 weeks which means that my baby is undergoing major development and growth changes right now which only feels like an accomplishment to me.

Lastly, I looked at the calendar and thought, "holy smokes! 15 weeks left and everything needs to be ready by the end of October 'just in case' I do deliver too early!". We have a jam-packed schedule for the next 8 weekends due to family visiting, traveling out of town,  parties and Jon's marathon. Suddenly I'm scrambling to figure out if I've allotted enough time to do everything that is needed to get our house ready.

Today Jon and I took our first step to get read for this baby. We sat down and looked at nursery room color themes. Then we headed to Home Depot to look at color swatches to paint the walls and baby furniture. We plan to paint in September so that we can air out the fumes of the paint while the weather is still warm. Also in September we will set up our registry, buy the baby furniture and get the rooms in our house rearranged to accommodate for the nursery. It all seems overwhelming, but I am grateful and proud to finally be in this position where I actually get to plan the nursery. Jon questioned why I was thinking so carefully about color themes and why we can't just leave the wall colors the way they are. I think that this is where my "nesting" instinct kicks in. This is finally my time to get this house ready for the baby and I'm not going to tread these waters casually because it's all up to us what we want to do. It's sort of though I'm branding the nursery with our style and sense of security. This room and this baby are ours and I want to show that off. It feels as a sort of rite of passage that all moms and dads go through to mentally prepare for the idea that soon there will no longer be just 2 people living in the house.

Baby E is starting to kick more regularly and predictably. Sometimes I lift my shirt up when I'm at home and watch the kicks from the outside. It's surreal to see involuntary movement come from my belly. Reality has finally set in that there is indeed something growing in me and that I'm already caring for the life of another human being. I wonder if it's a boy or girl, what will he or she look like? What will labor and delivery feel like? What will the moment feel like in the five seconds after we are seeing our baby for the first time? I am so curious to see Jon's reaction. Sometimes I get really excited to think about it, but it still feels like a dream if only because December seems a long ways off. The other night I was felt a little bit of pressure in my stomach. Thinking that it was Braxton Hicks (the "practice contractions") I started poking on my belly and instead felt a hard mass in only one small spot of stomach, and realized that I was feeling the baby! I told Jon to come over and push on the hard spot and when I told him that this was the baby he let out a really heart-warming "awww!". I love that I can make my husband this happy and excited.

In two weeks we will be approaching the 3rd trimester. I am still so grateful and in disbelief that I've made it this far in my pregnancy. It seems a bit silly given that most women endure pregnancy and childbirth several times over so my experience is not unique yet somehow I have such pride. I love the way everyone gets so excited for me/us because it reinforces for me that there is nothing ordinary about giving birth to a child no matter how many billions of babies have been born in the world.